Henrietta

My great-aunt Henrietta passed away Sunday morning. She was my dad's aunt. She was 93, and we had been praying that she would be able to move to a better place. Her funeral is tomorrow, and I am not going. And I must admit, I am having a hard time with missing it. Now, for most of us, a great-aunt's passing wouldn't create any emotional turmoil, but Henrietta is different.

Henrietta is one of four girls, the other three of whom have already passed on. She and one of the sisters, Mary, never married and lived together until Mary died in 1997. Henrietta lived a full life -- working at Utah State University and travelling the world with Mary.

I have many memories of going to visit Mary and Henrietta as a child. We would come to Utah and Idaho to visit family each summer, and we always went to visit Mary and Henrietta. It was hard to sit still for what seemed like a long time, but I remember how excited I was when they brought a couple of small dolls from Europe.

After Mary passed away, Henrietta moved into a care facility, and we continued to visit her. Eventually, my family moved to the same town and my mother started to visit her regularly. I was attending college but would often go with my mom when I was home. My mother has faithfully visited Henrietta and checked up on her weekly (and in the recent past, more than once a week). These visits are often short, and at the end, it was rare for Henrietta to carry on a conversation. But I remember how tickled she was every time I told her I was a math teacher (Mary taught math at Utah State University for years). I remember how much she loved hearing about my life, where I was living, and the things I was doing.

We used to joke that Henrietta would out-live everyone because she kept holding on, even when her quality of life went steeply downhill. So, while we were praying and hoping that she would be able to move on, it came as a bit of a shock when she actually passed on Sunday.

So, here's where my emotional turmoil comes in. Since Henrietta never married, we are her family. I know that my parents, brother, aunts, uncles, and some cousins will be at her funeral, but I can't help thinking I should be there to be a support and so that she knows that I love her. But I'm 5 weeks away from my due date (and swelling quite a bit) and I'm trying to save all of my personal days off of work for when the baby comes (I'm not coming back to work, but it gives me more paid days off). So, I've been debating all week. And I'll be honest -- there have been tears as I've tried to decide. Maybe I can blame that on pregnancy hormones.

In the end, though, I've decided to not go. Henrietta knows that I love her, and being absent from her funeral doesn't change that. My mom reminded me that I have already been a support -- visiting with Henrietta when I could. There will be plenty of family there to remember and honor the life that Henrietta led.

So, I guess this is my way of paying tribute to a wonderful woman who loved life. Thank you for the memories, Henrietta, and God be with you until we meet again.

If you are interested, her obituary can be read here.